Gratitude List

I haven’t had a drink of alcohol today or yesterday I’m pretty busy People are asking me to things quite regularly My flat I live somewhere quiet I’m involved in service and I find it interesting Chelsea Worlds End Sharing from Phillip, Brad, Natalie, Chris Alison’s friendship My blog My new clothes My jobs NotContinue reading “Gratitude List”

Pure OCD

Not quite sure why I’m feeling down today. By rights, I should be feeling quite good; I just spent £550 on new clothes. Basic stuff I needed: underwear, bras, trousers, tee-shirts. I bought two pairs of SuperGa classic canvas shoes for the winter. I still need some wellies and walking boots and a waterproof jacket,Continue reading “Pure OCD”

What Happened on Thursday? (Part 2)

I’ve handed today’s post over to the resonance of the universe because I’m still ‘on overwhelm’. A subtitle to this post could be: Is this a blog? I’m full of questions at the moment. Another statement that de-overwhelms me is: My name is Ruth, I’m an alcoholic, and I haven’t had a drink today. WhenContinue reading “What Happened on Thursday? (Part 2)”

What Happened On Thursday?

I’ve been really challenged since Thursday. Thursday was my volunteer day at the local mental health drop-in, and (I thought) the anniversary of my mother’s untimely death from AIDS related illness. Actually I got the day wrong, I was somewhat alarmed to realise. The actual anniversary was Wednesday the 6th of October, which meant IContinue reading “What Happened On Thursday?”

Bad Angels

I fell like absolute crap today. I’ve done everything I can to help myself: been for a walk, eaten, prayed and mediated, called a couple of friends (who weren’t available), asked for support with an issue I’m struggling with. So then I realised that the one thing I haven’t done is written my blog. WillContinue reading “Bad Angels”

Writing is What it is

Could writing be a way of coming to terms with loss? Reflecting on my recent need to conjure a past ‘love’, in this case an actor: ‘M’ who I met through my recovery meetings, a friend of mine — P — happened to read this blog and sent me an email about her thoughts onContinue reading “Writing is What it is”

Remembering Mum

I’ve been focussing my attention on loving memories of my mum the past couple of weeks. Happy memories. I want to honour the good in her. Since I’ve been in therapy (years and years) I’ve had to get real about my childhood, and that brought up a lot of anger. And then, in addition toContinue reading “Remembering Mum”

12 Step Recovery and Manic Depression

I went to a meeting earlier. There was a lot of talk about this and that, as there is at any 12 step recovery group. I won’t say which 12 step recovery group as I don’t think it’s all that relevant to what I’m going to say. It’s a new one though, a fellowship IContinue reading “12 Step Recovery and Manic Depression”

Forgiving Mum

One reason that I have not been sitting down to type out my daily confessions here is that I’ve been avoiding the main topic my psyche at present: my mum. My take on forgiveness has always been a bit spiky. I felt/was massively betrayed by my mum in my 20’s. I won’t go into itContinue reading “Forgiving Mum”

Serenity Prayer

Serenity Prayer I went to an online 12 step meeting earlier. There were a lot of newcomers, so for me it was a good meeting. I enjoy listening to newcomers talk because I sense an authenticity and lack of polish that people who are later in recovery lose. That said, I try and think aboutContinue reading “Serenity Prayer”