Writing is What it is

Could writing be a way of coming to terms with loss? Reflecting on my recent need to conjure a past ‘love’, in this case an actor: ‘M’ who I met through my recovery meetings, a friend of mine — P — happened to read this blog and sent me an email about her thoughts onContinue reading “Writing is What it is”

Remembering Mum

I’ve been focussing my attention on loving memories of my mum the past couple of weeks. Happy memories. I want to honour the good in her. Since I’ve been in therapy (years and years) I’ve had to get real about my childhood, and that brought up a lot of anger. And then, in addition toContinue reading “Remembering Mum”

Forgiving Mum

One reason that I have not been sitting down to type out my daily confessions here is that I’ve been avoiding the main topic my psyche at present: my mum. My take on forgiveness has always been a bit spiky. I felt/was massively betrayed by my mum in my 20’s. I won’t go into itContinue reading “Forgiving Mum”

Serenity Prayer

Serenity Prayer I went to an online 12 step meeting earlier. There were a lot of newcomers, so for me it was a good meeting. I enjoy listening to newcomers talk because I sense an authenticity and lack of polish that people who are later in recovery lose. That said, I try and think aboutContinue reading “Serenity Prayer”

My Mother the Comforter

I’m still watching the Walter Presents TV program Rider in the Storm. It’s a pretty intense series. Last night it was very sad, as one of the main characters took his own life. He walked in front of a lorry as he was depressed and psychotic. His death cast a very large shadow over theContinue reading “My Mother the Comforter”

Dogs

Dogs I am utterly besotted — with a Labrador and a Corgi called Archibald and Augustine. The couple take pride of place on the screensaver of my iPhone and every time I look at their expectant faces and coats of ginger and cream fluff my heart soars with happiness. I smile into my phone likeContinue reading “Dogs”

The Invisible Man

I was thinking today, as I sat down to write, that I’ve undertaken a creative project in the past that was quite good practice for writing a blog. I called it: Love Letters to the Invisible Man. When I got sober in 2003 I was pretty lonely. My marriage had fallen apart (I married onContinue reading “The Invisible Man”

On Being Valued

As I said to a friend earlier today, in an email, “I’ve had a very trying weekend.” I couldn’t even really write about it, except in an elliptical way — I used the analogy of escaping my family being like escaping 9/11. Probably, to someone who has escaped 9/11, my comparison would be an affront.Continue reading “On Being Valued”

FOMA + BIPOLAR CHAT

It’s a beautiful, hot, sunny day here in west Wales. I’d like to be swimming in the sea today, I must admit. I live about twenty minutes away by bicycle, but don’t fancy a solo swim. Earlier today I actually had coffee with someone else: my ex. I saw him walking down the street andContinue reading “FOMA + BIPOLAR CHAT”

Freedoms

MORE ON LETTING GO I’m still struggling to get over my ex. I still scan the street for his car whenever I go out the front door. I used to see him all the time on the high street, when he lived in town. These sightings are less frequent now. But not seeing him doesContinue reading “Freedoms”