Noise + A Life Beyond My Wildest Dreams?

I was reading a Bipolar blog on the WordPress site the other day. It had a list of issues to be aware of that can trigger people with Bipolar. Top of the list, I was somewhat surprised to see, was ‘Noise’. This rang a bell with me. Lately I seem to be more sensitive toContinue reading “Noise + A Life Beyond My Wildest Dreams?”

FOMA + BIPOLAR CHAT

It’s a beautiful, hot, sunny day here in west Wales. I’d like to be swimming in the sea today, I must admit. I live about twenty minutes away by bicycle, but don’t fancy a solo swim. Earlier today I actually had coffee with someone else: my ex. I saw him walking down the street andContinue reading “FOMA + BIPOLAR CHAT”

Freedoms

MORE ON LETTING GO I’m still struggling to get over my ex. I still scan the street for his car whenever I go out the front door. I used to see him all the time on the high street, when he lived in town. These sightings are less frequent now. But not seeing him doesContinue reading “Freedoms”

Money in the Bank

I got a text from my ex yesterday. It’s the first time he’s texted, or contacted me, in a while. Usually, I do the reaching out: asking him how he is, does he want to go to the beach, fancy a coffee, etc. But then I got tired of that. Especially since he ejected meContinue reading “Money in the Bank”

Thoughts of a Literary Superstar

I’m rather taken with the idea of a literary superstar writing an undercover blog. A thought I had yesterday after reading the Guardian interview with Sally Rooney, of Conversations With Friends and Normal People fame. As reported, Rooney suffers the afflictions of literary superstardom, and doesn’t like them, for various reasons: trolls, the expectations ofContinue reading “Thoughts of a Literary Superstar”

Back In Therapy

It was good to see my therapist, H, again. She literally works at the top of my street. It’s got to be the shortest journey for therapy I’ve ever made. One of the benefits of living in a small town. It’s a nice place as well. A big old building, with various therapies on offer,Continue reading “Back In Therapy”

Mid Life Malaise

It occurs to me today that I have never been in this position before; of being a forty-nine year old woman. A gloomy one. Gloomy I think, in part, because of my age. At forty-nine there is a lot less possibility and a much greater opportunity to ruminate on my failures. It’s funny because fromContinue reading “Mid Life Malaise”

Self Pity

I’ve got my first therapy session tomorrow. I’ve been racking my brains for days about topics to ‘work on’. My therapist prefers it if issue are delineated to address. Today I came up with something! Walking is a good time for me to be mulling over current issues I’m preoccupied with. A big one forContinue reading “Self Pity”

The End of A Romance

One of the issues that’s hard for me to escape at the moment how long it takes to fully recover from an intimate relationship. It seems to happen in layers. I’ve been navigated the ‘friendship’ stage of relating, which, I must admit hasn’t really worked. My ex appears to have a compulsion to reject meContinue reading “The End of A Romance”

FALLING IN LOVE ETC

Over the past decade or so one of the ideas that has preoccupied me has been about falling in love. I had read the psychoanalyst Adam Phillips on this topic, he said: you can’t do it on your own. You can only fall in love with someone who loves you back. That means unrequited loveContinue reading “FALLING IN LOVE ETC”