What Happened On Thursday?

I’ve been really challenged since Thursday. Thursday was my volunteer day at the local mental health drop-in, and (I thought) the anniversary of my mother’s untimely death from AIDS related illness. Actually I got the day wrong, I was somewhat alarmed to realise. The actual anniversary was Wednesday the 6th of October, which meant IContinue reading “What Happened On Thursday?”

Bad Angels

I fell like absolute crap today. I’ve done everything I can to help myself: been for a walk, eaten, prayed and mediated, called a couple of friends (who weren’t available), asked for support with an issue I’m struggling with. So then I realised that the one thing I haven’t done is written my blog. WillContinue reading “Bad Angels”

Writing is What it is

Could writing be a way of coming to terms with loss? Reflecting on my recent need to conjure a past ‘love’, in this case an actor: ‘M’ who I met through my recovery meetings, a friend of mine — P — happened to read this blog and sent me an email about her thoughts onContinue reading “Writing is What it is”

Remembering Mum

I’ve been focussing my attention on loving memories of my mum the past couple of weeks. Happy memories. I want to honour the good in her. Since I’ve been in therapy (years and years) I’ve had to get real about my childhood, and that brought up a lot of anger. And then, in addition toContinue reading “Remembering Mum”

Forgiving Mum

One reason that I have not been sitting down to type out my daily confessions here is that I’ve been avoiding the main topic my psyche at present: my mum. My take on forgiveness has always been a bit spiky. I felt/was massively betrayed by my mum in my 20’s. I won’t go into itContinue reading “Forgiving Mum”

Serenity Prayer

Serenity Prayer I went to an online 12 step meeting earlier. There were a lot of newcomers, so for me it was a good meeting. I enjoy listening to newcomers talk because I sense an authenticity and lack of polish that people who are later in recovery lose. That said, I try and think aboutContinue reading “Serenity Prayer”

My Mother the Comforter

I’m still watching the Walter Presents TV program Rider in the Storm. It’s a pretty intense series. Last night it was very sad, as one of the main characters took his own life. He walked in front of a lorry as he was depressed and psychotic. His death cast a very large shadow over theContinue reading “My Mother the Comforter”

ANGRY WOMAN

Last night I was watching Riders Upon the Storm: Walter Presents, Channel Four (in UK). It’s a spiritual themed drama about a religious family and community set in Sweden. So one of the sons goes off to the Himalayas and ends up in a Buddhist monastery after getting his stuff nicked and falling down aContinue reading “ANGRY WOMAN”

On Being Ignored

Did you know that emotional pain, such as romantic rejection, lights up the same parts of the brain associated with psychical injury (or something like that). So that when we’ve been rejected we feel pain like in a bodily way. When I first heard this it made absolute sense to me. It’s hard to describeContinue reading “On Being Ignored”

On Having Some Readers

After writing yesterdays post and reflecting on my early-days-in-recovery higher power, I’ve realised that my homely made-up source was quite appropriate. Writing my letters to ‘Invisible’ was also very similar to telling my story in a 12 step meeting. And there was that air of mystery; was someone there? Did I have a reader? It’sContinue reading “On Having Some Readers”